Editor’s note: Mapenzi is a Swahili word for love. Many Africans in the Diaspora find themselves in problematic love relationships that many times end up in heartbreaks or breakups. Others can not find that elusive formula to get them hooked up and stay hooked. Starting this week, Ajabu Africa News will bring you a weekly column that will dwell on the issue of relationships. Having acquired the services of a knowledgeable love doctor, who will offer tips to everybody who is looking to have a rewarding love life, Ajabu Africa.com hopes to make your feelings easier and better in the love area. From the young and single teenager to single men and women, including those who are already in stuttering relationships, Dokta Mapenzi has something for you. Read on.
Love life : How to be a Better Partner
by Dokta Mapenzi, Ajabu Africa News, posted July 9, 2010
Have you wondered on how you could salvage your failing relationship? If you are in a relationship that is seemingly failing, you better think twice. Most likely you could be the cause for the mishap by not giving it a chance or by not attending to a few details that count. Have you sat down and wondered what went wrong?
Have you sat down and wondered what went wrong? Sometimes it is easy to spot how much of it is their fault but it is not too easy to look at where you, personally have gone wrong. Everybody wants to be the best at what they do, and being the best you can be for your partner is no exception. Below is a list of twelve (12) simple lessons that will help you achieve that goal. Remember, if you want to be good to someone else, you also have to be good to yourself.
Be romantic
Whenever a relationship starts to fail, the lack of romance is one of the first indicators. It is very natural for people to get complacent and forget the fun things they used to do when they first got together. A relationship has to be constantly worked on and being romantic is an absolute must. When things get this way, always try your best to revive the situation before it’s too late to be revived.
Never disparage yourself
Whenever you are disparaging yourself, you are basically saying that you are no good for your partner. If you don't believe that you are good enough for them, then you won't be. It's as simple as that. Don't sit around and beat yourself up over past mistakes that will only prevent you from trying and succeeding at new things tomorrow. It’s always wise to have that self esteem.
Always be honest
There is not one single relationship that will succeed in the long run if built on a lie. Even if your partner never finds out the truth, the fact that you know you lied will affect your feelings for yourself and your partner. With that kind of a hindrance, the relationship will never reach its full potential. This then means never lie to your partner, because even where they’ll get to know you lied, it’ll cost you the trust they’d had in you.
Do not do things just to keep your partner happy
How many times have you done something for or to your partner that you really did not want to do, just to make them happy? How did it make you feel? Every time you compromise yourself in that way, a piece of your love for them dies. It is much better to explain to them that you don't feel good about certain things and work on an alternative together. This counts a lot and in the end it will build not only the friendship in one another but also will enable you always feel at ease when with your partner.
Do not ask your partner to do things you know they don't want to do
This is the reverse of the above lesson and fairly self-explanatory. If you know they really don't like doing something, and if that something is for you and of no benefit to them, then why ask them to do it unless you are being selfish or mean?
Do not belittle your partner
Everyone makes mistakes in life and everyone works or catches on at different speeds. If you spend your time nagging at your partner or putting them down about every little thing they do wrong, then how can you expect them to do anything right? Do you want a life-partner or a puppy dog?
Do not put off things you have promised to do
Trust is an important part of any relationship and it needs to be developed. If you say you are going to do something and don't, then how can your partner rely on you in the future?
Always be there for your partner
Nothing is more important in your life than your partner. Friends come and go, as do children, but your partner is with you for the whole journey. If they are in trouble or need you, nothing else matters, other than to be there for them
Communicate
Things change in a relationship almost on a daily basis. If you don't talk to your partner you could very easily wake up one day and find that you have drifted too far apart to bridge the gap.
Do not commit adultery or other harmful acts against your relationship
This one is really self-explanatory. Nothing destroys a relationship faster than infidelity or wrong doings.
Treat your partner with respect
It is extremely easy to take someone for granted and once you start to cross that line, it is very difficult to go back. Be careful not to treat your partner worse than you would treat your best friend.
Be open and receptive to your partner's wants and wishes
It takes two people to have a relationship and when you shut one of them out because you are not open to their ideas and wishes then you really don't have a relationship at all. Always be open and receptive to what they say. Also, be open to new experiences and ideas, you never know what you might learn.
Good luck .
Are you single and have spotted a girl of your dreams but can not bring yourself to say the first word that will break the ice? Check this column next week for working tips!
