GOSSIP
In the meeting held on November 10th 2007, gossip was in identified as an issue that has brought a lot of division in our community. This article’s main purpose is to address this issue.
Definition: gossip is simply defined as any conversation between two or more people about another person who is not there. It must include information about someone whom the gossipers know personally. Other definitions include: idle talk, slander, small talk, gab, speaking about others and revealing secrets or intimacies. An additional definition is: a report, often malicious about the behavior of other people. This is according to the monitor on Psychology found online.
According to the monitor on psychology Dr. Eric Foster, PHD, a researcher at Temple University institute for survey Research, “Gossip is like breathing: Its so much a part of our day that we don’t even realize we’re doing it.”
In the journal Human Nature (vol.8, Nov.3), researcher Robin Dunbar, PHD of the University of Liverpool found that as much as 65 percent of people’s conversation could be defined as gossip. If this is the case, then, where do we draw the line and when does this behavior become destructive?
University of Surrey Psychology professor Nicholas Elmer, PHD, conducted a survey and in her findings, she describes gossip as not being careful about what you say about others in a private setting. These are things that you would not say in public or even when the person being discussed was present. This referred to as malicious gossip.
Malicious gossip expresses feelings of hatred and the desire to harm the reputation of the person being discussed. When gossip is used to hurt others, the effect can be devastating to the target’s social standing and self esteem, says Marian Underwood, PhD. Underwood continues to describe gossip at this level as social aggression which affects those who do it and those who receive it. Loneliness, anxiety and depression were found to be higher in both cases.
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According to research by Antonio Cellisen, PhD, psychology professor at the University of Connecticut, those who spread malicious gossip about their peers or intentionally excluded others from an activity did this because they wanted to become more popular. In their destructive activity, they succeed in forming a social alliance against someone who is not present. They therefore use malicious gossip to isolate the person who is not present. This social alliance is therefore participating in a socially aggressive behavior by isolating their victim. It was also found that an individual who spreads malicious gossip continues to do so in order to remain popular. This is because this individual suffers from low self-esteem, so, in order to have self worth, this individual has to bring other people down by spreading malicious gossip about them.
The collaborative nature of gossip may help explain it’s power to form exclusive social groups, notes Donna Eder, PhD, a sociology professor at Indiana University Bloomington. This study revealed that it’s possible to combat malicious gossip. It was found that when one individual offered a gossip gambit, others responded encouragingly about 80% of the time. They would confirm the information given or even elaborate it, Eder says. “What happens is, ones one person makes that agreement, it is very unlikely for someone else-a third person or a fourth in the sequence of the talk to disagree”, says Eder.
In the same study, it was found that if someone does disagree early in the conversation, others are more likely to disagree as well. “What I learned from this study is if you are in a group and someone is being evaluated and you disagree, say it right away.” Says Eder. “ I do this all the time in faculty meetings-I know it will be easier to disagree with one person than to disagree with the whole group.”
In a humorous note, Sheldon Fort, a student in this study says, “I think gossip brings about more gossip which can grow out of control and really hurt someone. If gossip were alcohol, my whole school would be wasted”.
Conclusion:
- It is important to identify malicious gossip and intentionally avoid participating in forming social alliances meant to isolate other people by talking about them.
- In order to inhibit malicious gossip, it is important to disagree right away in order to stop the gossip in its tracks. This means that when you find yourself in a situation where a negative comment is made concerning someone who is not present, you have the power to stop the malicious gossip by disagreeing immediately with the person making the negative comments. This will stop the malicious gossiper from making such comments. It takes only one confident person to stop this dangerous behavior.
- Malicious gossip is unhealthy as noted above. Both those who did it and those who received it were found to suffer from loneliness, anxiety and depression at a higher level. This behavior is described as social aggression.
- Those who chose to remain popular by speaking ill of others need to be identified and stopped because this leads to an escalation of malicious gossip.
- Before speaking, we need to think because what is said could be true but it is kind? Is it necessary?
Phillipians 4:8 – Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praise worthy – meditate on those things.
- It might be interesting to note what king Solomon, son of king David and James, the
half brother of Jesus had to say about how words affect our spiritual, psychological
and physical being:
James 3:6 – And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set
among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the
course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.
James 3:8-10 – But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil full of deadly
poison. With it we bless our God and Father and with it we curse
men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of
the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these
things ought not to be so.
James 3:14-17 – But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not
boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descent
from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic.
Proverbs 12:6 – The words of the wicked are “lie in wait for blood”, But the mouth
of the upright will deliver them.
12:18 – There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the
tongue of the wise promotes health.
16:28 – A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of
friends.
20:19 – He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; Therefore do
not associate with one who flatters with his lips.
21:6 – Getting treasures by a lying tongue is the fleeting fantasy of those
who seek death.
21:23 – Whoever guards his month and tongue keeps his soul from
troubles.
11:9 – The hypocrite with his month destroys his neighbor, But through
knowledge the righteous will be delivered.
11:13 – A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit
conceals a matter.
James 3:16-18 – For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil
thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure,
then peacable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good
fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of
righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
Let us therefore seek peace.
Acting secretary – Lizzie Maina
Acting chairman – Fidelis Gacheru
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