Relashionships-First Time Ever Part III
By Leonard Ojwang , June 10, 2009

      Some silence rented the air. She glanced wildly at the ceiling when she thought of all the childhood games they had played and her only cousin with whom she had walked into adolescence. Genuine tears started flooding her cheeks. She wiped them with her palm and her face twisted in despair. 

      In personal anguish for her past life, she decided to talk about her painful experience. Such painful memories, perhaps had switched Teresa to reality. The first time Teresa went intimate with a boy, she recalled, the moon was big and sunset-yellow, giving them all the calories they needed to explore each other. 

Slowly and slowly, gently and quietly, they blended into one and a common being; both body and soul. Teresa was just fifteen then. She recalled getting stiffly to her feet, her dazed mind refusing to recall the details in the event. She just felt weak as if she had not eaten for many days. It was the first time ever she had felt like that in her life. 

      Weeks later, she realized she was pregnant. It was her first encounter with a boy and a first too with pain. She had once attempted suicide in order not to embarrass her parents; but later shrugged of the idea. Then the only path, which remained, was to get rid of the baby.  

      Teresa’s eyes narrowed when she saw her reflection on the mirror by the window. She shifted her eyes to the door, not wanting to look at her image any longer. She drew the curtains and switched on the light bulb that hung lazily like a pendulum from the ceiling. Then, she began to slip off her clothes one by one.  

      Joseph just kept looking at her, silently. 

      She threw her skirt and blouse away and she heard them land with a sour sound near the door. She carefully removed her grey cotton bra and placed it on the table. She stood looking down at herself impatiently, still trying to make her memories into some logical sequence. Should I tell him? She wondered within herself. 

      Turning quickly, she stood facing the mirror.  She saw her face and her chest, and held her breath. This is horrible, she thought. She felt as if she looked like an incomplete scarecrow if your vocabulary is limited.  It was as if she was wearing a mask on her face. This mask, she thought, could be removed here in this room finally.

Her mind quickly pursued the line of memory she had abhorred. She instantly screened her former boyfriend whom she had had immeasurable events – how he showered her with kisses, praising her thin beautiful lips and reassuring her that she belonged to him. 

      She picked a plastic comb from the table and began making her hair. She let them hung to her nape like a fan. When she looked at herself again through the mirror, there was a small positive change in her image! However, that was all. She lowered the mirror to focus on her belly. The swelling was evident near her waistline so that her underwear bulged a little. She frowned and shook her head involuntarily, holding her head in her hands. Cold sweat broke out all over her and she began trembling, her eyes rolling round the room.  

      “What’s happening baby?” Joseph wanted to know. 

      “Nothing!” Teresa replied. She sat on the bed abruptly, her legs refusing to support her weight. This swelling is too small, she thought. Ooh God! It is a scar. I keep repenting Father but I feel I am not doing enough. 

      Joseph held her to his chest. “This is it, girl. You must tell me now,” he began. “Do you want to break up with me?” 

      She shrugged her shoulders. 

      “I’m so sorry Joseph,” she said, “I hope this won’t offend you.” 

      He shifted his gaze onto the wall, allowing his mind to wander aimlessly. “No, it won’t. Go ahead!” he said. 
      “I don’t know how to begin,” she said, “but let me tell you why I have been thinking of my mum and sisters a lot today.” 

      “Okay.” 
      “It’s because they were there when something bad happened to me when I was fifteen.” Her mouth twisted in a provocative smile. “I’m feeling a little cold, let me put on my blouse.”  
      She did. 
      “I think of them too, not just because they are my family, but also because they chronicled the pain I went through when I attempted to get rid of an unintended pregnancy,” she began sobbing. “I’m sorry I have never told you this before!” 

      Joseph stifled a wail. It was unfathomable. 
      “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” she kept crying. 
      “It’s okay,” he reassured her. “Let me know more about it.” 
      It took her about 2 minutes to get some strength to speak. 
      “Like I said, I never wanted to talk about it .... Recently, I have had these weird feeling that you really need to know. I just want you to know.” 
      “Okay,” he said. 
      “I don’t remember a lot, but from what my mother and sisters told me, there was a very nice doctor to whom I owe my survival.” 

      Therefore, this is how it had happened. This day was the day exactly 4 years ago, in a similar storm like the one of today’s when she had first attempted to commit suicide. 

To be Continued next week